It’s Friday night
and this is my drinking night
I never thought it would be this way
looking out my window to the stars this way
that I’d feel the loss of my ‘Bubba’ dog this much
and miss him so through time
I feel so haunted he’s not here
and it never seems to end
and makes me feel heavy like a lead balloon…
they say that a dog is man’s best friend
and you learn as you get older how true this actually is…
I guess I must have developed a much larger capacity to love as I grew older
for I’ve had other pets I didn’t for some reason love as much as my Bubba.
but, I did love them all, and strangely I was a different man not as mature in all my ways…
and I don’t know that I would have grown up as much as I have without all the pain
and suffering I’ve endured in life, but I always challenge God as to his reasons he made
me suffer so…
couldn’t I have learned my life lessons a less painfully, I ask?
he doesn’t answer me as usual, but I am sure he must have his reasons for doing
things as he does…
again, God never tells me…
So, I drink my jack and coke out of a plastic cup
and get drunk missing my boy holding back the tears
sparing my wife seeing how miserable I am
this foolish old man…
this glass I drink from is my eternal treasured
plastic glass, which used to hold his toothbrush,
hair brush, tooth paste and other things…
so important and essential to me.
I even kept one of his teeth
a vet extracted
long ago, but I can’t find it
but I know it’s somewhere in my oak bachelor chest.
I would like to hold it in my hand right now
for good luck…
you know, sincerely, some things you never get over.
you live with it.
and honestly, I haven’t learned to live with his loss
and I doubt never will.
I just can’t.
It’s not in me.
he was so much a part of me
and continues to be.
I can’t let go.
I need him still
in my life.
why is this?
he’s the best friend I ever had
that used to sleep with me and miss me when
I was gone and he waited for me
and whined looking for me all over the house
and always was happy when I returned from the grocery store
and licked my face and jumped all over me.
I wish I could hug and kiss him now
I almost wish I would die and be with him
(which I will someday soon anyway I will get my wish)
but I have other obligations before I want that
so now, the only thing I can do is I drink to my ‘baby’ tonight
and toast to my forever friend,
(I used to let him drink a little from my glass! He was so cute, but I didn’t let him drink much…)
and gratefully no one
can ever take away
my love for him,
the best friend and
companion I will
ever have in this lifetime…
I sleep with his things by my head
his tennis balls I used to throw,
his diaper for incontinence,
and other things all in a clear plastic bag.
I don’t care.
It makes me feel
something of him is
by my side as I sleep.
you know, my wife’s daughter
got me a blanket
(too soon, but it was the thought that counted)
from ‘paw prints’
(he was a birthday present from my wife many years ago, the best present I’ve ever had. and, I am so grateful to her for bringing him into my life…)